Posts Tagged ‘death’

Lack of Entries

Posted: May 18, 2017 in All about ME!
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I haven’t written much lately because I have been dealing with another death in the family. This time my grandmother passed away. Her death was sudden and unexpected. Yes, she had Alzheimer’s. Yes, she had medical problems. However, there was no indication of her passing away when she did.

What happened was this: She was having a bout of confusion, so she went to the hospital. The doctor after examing her felt that it could have been due to some new medication she had been put on. He was going to keep her for a few days just to make sure everything was ok. On her 2nd day, she was having trouble swallowing and wasn’t being very responsive. She passed away that night.

It went from “It’s her medications”, to “I’m sorry. She didn’t pull through”. This upsets me on so many levels. My grandma and I had become very close in the last 3 years since my mother passed away. We were always close, but in the last 3 years we talked every day, and sometimes twice a day. She was like another mother to me. It hurt a lot when she passed away, and it still does. It’s like losing my mom all over again.

Since my grandma has passed away I haven’t had much interest in writing blog entries, playing games or even watching TV really. So, obviously, the blog has taken a backseat for awhile. Hopefully, soon I will be in a mood to write some entries soon.

I just wanted to let you all know the situation in case any of you noticed I had vanished from the blogosphere and assumed I had been abducted by the government.

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<3On February 15th, I lost the most important person in my life. She was my mother, my role model, my hero and my best friend. When she was taken from me, she was still young, only 59 years old. She should have still had many years left on this earth. Unfortunately, complications from her diabetes arose, and took her from me, and the world.

She was a brave and strong woman. She endured a lot while she was here, but never gave up. She always kept going, no matter how much pain or suffering she felt. She never gave up, because she wanted to be there, to support those she cared for, and help anyone she could.

She had several medical problems, which makes her strength and willingness to push on that much more impressive. A lesser person would have thrown in the towel years ago, but my mom didn’t know the meaning of giving up.

Even in the end, she fought to survive. Even as her body shut down around her. In the end, it was her heart that was the last to go. That isn’t surprising. Ask anyone who knew her, anyone who’s bumped into her, anyone she has affected in any way, and they will tell you, that she has a powerful heart.

I was with her when she passed from this plane of existence, and it felt like my world had just come to a heart crushing end. I am at least glad that I was able to be there for her in the end, holding her hand as she passed. She was, after all, always there for me, my entire life. Helping me through some of the darkest points of my life.

She comforted me when my father was killed, she was my anchor when my wife passed away. Despite he medical issues, she was always my rock, and even though she isn’t with me in body anymore. She is in spirit and mind. Her teachings will continue to guide me through life, right up until death.

I am the man I am today, because of her. I am my mother’s son, and she is my hero. She’s the reason I am still alive today, why I am not mentally challenged, despite all my complications at birth. She brought me into this world, she gave me life, but most importantly, she gave me a live worth living. She always had more faith in me, than I did of myself. I only hope, that one day, I will do something important enough, that would make her proud.

I knew eventually she would be gone. I just didn’t expect it to be this soon. I took for granted that she would still be here each and every tomorrow. I assumed, that we had years together still! Even as they were rushing her away in the ambulance, I figured she would probably be ok, because she was still young, and too important to the world.

Don’t take people you love for granted. Your parents, your grandparents, your spouse, your children. Treat everyday, like it might be the last time you see them, because one day, one way or another..it will be.

I usually don’t post things like this on my Blog. It’s just some things I wanted to get off my chest. I’m not even sure if it’s understandable. I’m not exactly in the clearest of mindsets right now.

A friend of the family recently passed away. She wasn’t that old, in fact she was even younger than my mother. On top of that, as far as we knew, she was healthy! At least she seemed to be. Sure, she would get sick, but who doesn’t?

This has got me worried, for a few reasons. The first being that it has got me thinking about death, and as I have said multiple times, Death scares the shit out of me! Not the pain of dying, but just the end. Mainly, because I don’t believe in god or heaven. So, when I die, I know that everything ends. I cease to exist. Everything that was me, becomes wiped from the world. In time, people will even forget I existed. That scares me.

However, even scarier than the thought of me dying, is the thought of my mother dying. My mother and I are close. Sure we don’t always get along, and yeah, we have our fights. However, at the end of the day, she’s my mother and I love her with every ounce of my being. She’s always been there for me, and sacrificed to ensure that I had everything I needed or even wanted.

If she dies, I don’t know what I will do, or how I will react. Now that I am older, I want the chance to repay her for all she has done and sacrificed. I want the chance, to show her I love her. Sure, I tell her that I love her, but words can be spoken by anyone. I want to show her, and I don’t think I’ll ever have enough time to show her how much I love her, and how much she means to me.

So, that’s got me down, and on top of that. There’s no way to predict death. It could come knocking on anyones door, at any time. If you think, that because you eat healthy and exercise on daily basis, that you are safe, and guaranteed a long fulfilling life, then you are wrong! I have known people MUCH healthier, and younger than me who passed away. People who I thought would outlive me by YEARS.

Fact of the matter is, Death can strike anywhere at anytime. The unhealthy, The Healthy, The Young, The Old, The smart, The Dumb, The rich and The Poor. Death just doesn’t give a shit, and honestly that’s some scary shit, and I am not ashamed to admit that it frightens me to my core.

Wow, First Gary Coleman, and now Dennis Hopper. It’s a sad week for the entertainment world. Dennis Hopper was 72 when he passed away. Dennis Hopper had been suffering from Prostate Cancer, so his passing was to be expected, however his passing isn’t made any easier by this knowledge.

Dennis Hopper has been in MANY well-known classics including, but definitely not limited to, Easy Rider and Apocalypse Now. You’ll be missed Mister Hopper.

As many people are aware of by now, Actor Gary Coleman passed away May 28th, 2010. at 12:05 PM MTD. He was only 42 when he passed away from this world, which is VERY young!

Gary Coleman has had spots in many television and film, however he is probably most remembered for his role as Arnold Jackson in the late 70’s/early 80’s Television hit series Diff’rent Strokes, and his memorable catch phrase “What’chu talkin’ ’bout Willis?!”.

Now, I remember watching Diff’rent Strokes, in fact it was one of my favorite shows back in the day. However, I must confess that I was never a big Gary Coleman fan. That being said, I always admired the guy. He went through a whole lot of crap throughout his life. Much of that crap he dealt with at a VERY young age. However, despite it all, he still managed to carry on.

Rest in Peace Gary.

Tumble in the tub

Posted: December 28, 2009 in All about ME!
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So, I woke up Christmas morning, fresh from visions of sugar plumbs dancing in my head, and partridges doing the funky chicken in pear trees. As I have said before, Christmas isn’t that big of a deal to me, so I slept in, because I enjoy my sleep! I woke up, and did what I always do, and that was take my morning shower.

It started out well enough, the water was hot, which felt great because the rest of the house was actually quite cold. So, obviously the hot water felt great! So, I enjoyed the hot water of the shower and continued to shower Like I always do. However that morning my wonderful shower came to a crashing halt, and I mean that quite literally.

You see, the shower floor got extremely slippery because when I shower I use Shampoo, Soap and body wash. All this tends to make the tiles of my shower slippery on occasion. Much like it did on Christmas morning. So, I was showering and suddenly slipped! It may sound exciting, like some extreme sports version of slip and slide, but I assure you that it was not exciting. I reached out to grab the shower curtain in an attempt to stop myself from toppling. It did not work. What did happen however was I continued to fall, and ended up pulling the shower curtain and shower curtain rod down on top of me. The rod ended up landing right on my head and smacking down on my shoulder.

At the time of the “Incident” I was fine, I even laughed about it. Aside from a red mark on my shoulder where the shower rod smacked me, there was no sign that anything happened, and I felt great. I went about my day as I normally would, and everything was fine. Until I went to bed and woke up the next morning. My shoulder is hurting, and has a big ol’ bruise. My thighs burn, I think I must have torn a muscle or something and for some reason my hips hurting. I’m not sure exactly why, but never the less it is.

That has resulted in my slight grumpiness.

Maybe I shouldn’t have grabbed for the shower curtain, but to be quite honest, I got slightly scared. See, the mother of one of my friends died from slipping in the shower. She ended up breaking her neck, and that’s not how I want to go out of this world. I mean, think about it from my perspective. If I am in the shower, and I slip and end up getting myself killed. I will be wet from the shower, and would probably be slippery when they are getting me out of there. and then I’ll just end up slipping all over the place! On top of that, I am a single man, and I live alone. This means it would be a couple hours before someone knew I was dead. Which means I could end up getting all water logged and soggy. Can you imagine it? A naked soggy man slipping and sliding all over the place? Humiliating!

So, yea I got paranoid when I fell, tried to catch myself, and in doing so I probably made it worse.

Well, i don’t know if you remember it, but awhile ago I mentioned a strange and mysterious lump on my back. Turns out that there is a very good possibility that it could be malignant. He said the fact that it has started hurting to the touch isn’t a good sign, and wants to now all of a sudden do some tests..which I am NOT particularly keen on….But, I shall do whatever needs doin’ I suppose.

Haven’t told my family this yet..because, quite honestly I don’t see the point in upsetting them at this point. At least not until I know more and can actually give some information when they ask…So, that has me scared as hell…I hate the idea of death.

On top of that I am facing my worst fear(Death is my second biggest fear), You see my girlfriend of 3 years left me awhile back. I’m not exactly sure why she feels the relationship has to come to an end..but combined with my newfound knowledge that I could very well be dying….I am pretty much living in my own version of hell…I have my two greatest fears just right there in my face.

On the upside..things can’t possibly get any worse…right?