Cereal Flash-back

Posted: July 18, 2011 in General
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Nintendo Cereal

I have been a gamer as far back as I can remember. Seriously, I was raised on video games! When I was younger a gamepad/joystick felt more comfortable in my hand than any kind of toy or action figure. Hell, I even ate video games! Not literally mind you, but I did chow down on Nintendo cereal!

When games are too good for just consoles!

Not because it was yummy either, in fact; if memory serves me correctly, the cereal was horrible! It tasted stale, and the only thing it had going for it was having 2 cereals in one box, which wasn’t even unique since NERDS Cereal was doing the same thing, except NERDS was actually a good cereal.


Not made from actual Nerds.

So why did I crunch down on Nintendo Cereal like it was going out of style? — Which by the way it did, that cereal brand faded into obscurity faster than you can beat Super Mario Brothers, using warps!

Aside from it having kick ass game tips?

The reason I ate it, was simple. It had fucking “Nintendo” on the box! Not only that, but “Mario Brothers” and “Legend of Zelda” as well! Seriously, How could I not guzzle that shit down faster than a fuel guzzling SUV?

Plus sometimes the boxes had holograms!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Cereal

Quick, if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles endorsed a cereal, what flavor would it be?

If you answered Pizza, then you are normal. If however you said, Chex (Sorry, Ninja Nets that look a whole lot like chex) with little marshmallow ninja weapons instead, then congratulations! you are in the same mind-set as — well, whoever comes up with cereal ideas at Ralston.

Not even as a marshmallow shape!

Now many people will shout out in anger that they fucking loved this cereal when they were a kid. They will go on about how this was the best thing since sliced bread! Of course you loved it when you were a kid! Why? Because you were a kid! You didn’t know better! It had Ninja turtles on the damn box! And Marshmallows! In your kid-like state, that’s all you needed to know! Ninja+Turtle+Marshmallow=Greatest Cereal EVER!

Oh yea, and sometimes the boxes had fucking holograms!

Ghostbusters Cereal

Like most of the cereals I remember from my childhood, this particular cereal managed to cash it on a childhood favorite franchise! In this case, the spirit hunting, proton shooting GhostBusters from animated fame!

Who ya gonna call?!

Unlike previous cereals on this list, I actually enjoyed this cereal for its taste, not just the franchise, although the franchise is pretty damn great, and it might have helped my taste buds along in realising its greatness.

Mmmm, Boobies! - I mean Mmmm, Ghostbusters!

I know many people who would disagree with me though, and that’s fine! They are probably right, after all during that time, I too was a kid, and the cereal had a popular franchise I loved, and fucking marshmallows! So, I fully admit, that my little kid-like mind could have been brainwashed, in a way that only childhood icons stuck on a cardboard box can do!

However, unlike previous cereals on this list, Ghostbusters cereal didn’t have any cheesy gimmicks or anything.

Unless you count Hologram boxes..

OJ Cereal

Unlike previously mentioned Cereals, this cereal doesn’t ride the coat-tails of some franchise, which is a good thing! Otherwise the only logical franchise to ride would by the OJ of the Simpson variety, which after the 1994 “Incident”, I am sure Kellogg’s is glad they created their own mascot, although it’s not like OJ cereal lasted long enough to suffer any bad press relating to the “Incident”, considering OJ Cereal disappeared from store shelves, about a year after it made its grand appearance.

Orangy goodness!

The mascot they created is apparently some cowboy, who rides around on big oranges, at least as best I can tell. Honestly, I am not overly familiar with the mascot, because quite frankly, it wasn’t based on an already established fucking franchise, so I could give a rats ass.

What was the cereal? Well, it was advertised as an orange flavored cereal, but to be honest, the cereal didn’t really taste all that orangish to me. Of course, I could be remembering it wrong. My child-like brain was probably too focused on the lack of an established childhood icon for me to fully appreciate.

Or maybe it was just crap.

Bigg Mixx

As embarrassing as it is to admit, This is one of my most favorite childhood cereal! Despite the lack of Pop-eye, He-Man or some other kick-ass character on the box, that I had the entire action figure collection of. Instead, it has some weird fucking moose-pig-chicken-Rabbit type thing just staring off into the fucking distance. I don’t even know what it was supposed to be looking at, but it must be something weird, if something that fucked up looking can’t stop staring at it!

One weird fucking Mascot!

Seriously, the critter really could have become popular. It should have been given its own show! Hell, I would have watched, but let’s be clear about one thing, as a child I was easily impressed, so that’s not really saying much I suppose. Still, I am sure other kids were easily impressed, at least judging by this fucking list of cereal!

Enough about the Mascot! Let’s dwell on the cereal!

What the hell was it? Well, an easier question would be “What the hell wasn’t it”?! Ok, that’s total bullshit, that wouldn’t be easier, so let’s go back to the original question!

Basically, it’s everything! It’s like Raisin Bran mixed with whatever other cereals were popular at the time. It was just a Big Mix of cereal, hence the name!

The cereal didn’t last long! Parent quit buying it, probably for the same reason my mom quit buying it for me! She wised up! She saved back an empty box of Bigg Mixx, and then would take all those almost empty boxes of cereal that
I insisted were empty, and then she would pour them all together in the bigg mixx box, and tell me that it was a new Bigg Mixx Blend.

After all, that’s all Bigg Mixx fucking was! Leftover cereal, just fucking tossed in a box, and sold to the general public.

Cap’n Crunch’s OOPS! All Berries

Unlike the others listed here, this particular cereal doesn’t come from my childhood, but it does come from my past, which means it totally fits into the “Flash-back” category.

While Bigg Mixx was one of my favorite cereals, this one falls right at the very top!

The cereal is a limited edition “Brand”, that is released every few years under the Cap’n Crunch brand. It’s called; OOPS! All Berries, and basically what it is, is a fucking box full of crunch berries!

Best EVER!

For those not in the know, Crunch berries are those yummy colored balls you find in Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch berries cereal. To put this in perspective for you, this would be like getting a box of “Lucky Charms” only to find that it contains only fucking marshmallow bits! None of that annoying oat crap that you eat so you can enjoy the marshmallowy goodness.

Yea, just like that!

So, is it any wonder why I love the shit?! I mean, the only way a cereal could get any better would be if they released a Porno brand cereal!

Getting Close!

Those are the cereal brands that I remember so fondly from my youth, most didn’t do very well at all, and were very short-lived, but in all fairness, those last three cereal brands would have been a shitload better if they had released holographic box versions! Just sayin’.


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