Being kept awake by fear

Posted: May 10, 2011 in All about ME!
Tags: , , , , ,

It’s nearly 2 A.M., and though I went to bed hours ago, I find myself awake, and unable to sleep. The reason? I got to thinking about things that bother me. In fact, it bothered me so much that it prevented me from sleeping.

I got to thinking about my greatest fear, and if you ask anyone who knows me what my greatest fear is, you will receive on out of two answers. The first being “Dogs” and the second being “Death”, both of them rank high on my fear list, though they are not my strongest fear. In fact, unless someone who knows me reads this blog, they won’t know my biggest fear, since it’s not something I talk about very often.

My biggest fear? Well, it sounds corny, and is embarrassing to admit, but my biggest fear is the fear of being alone. Like I said, Stupid and Corny.

It’s just that I have very few people here in my life, and while I value my privacy, I don’t want to spend my life alone. It’s just that I have lost most everyone in my life. I have lost my father, my Uncle, My wife, and many more. In fact, I have lost so many people, that the only ones who are physically here in my life, are my mother and my grandmother, and when they are gone, I will have nobody.

I know, it’s stupid. Other people have found themselves alone, and people manage just fine. Still, it’s not something I want to do. I don’t want to lose everyone that I love, and I know that it’s inevitable.

It scares me, more than anything. Stupid fears.

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