That’s me in the mirror!

Posted: October 15, 2009 in All about ME!
Tags: , , , ,

Recently I changed my blog around a bit.It now reflects my personality a little bit better than the classy previous look of the blog. One of the many things that has changed was the title / header bar. You will see it now includes pictures of me, Shaide. There’s also a picture on the top of the side bar. This is the first time on my Blog that I have ever shown who I am. So, now that you SEE who Shaide is, allow me to let you KNOW who Shaide is, at least a peek into who I am.

Who is Shaide? Well, the short answer(And one you probably already guessed) is that I am Shaide! However,  in a lengthy explanation(Not book lengthy), Shaide is a man…Yes, it’s true! he is a man. A male man(Not to be confused with a Mail man mind you!)! Imagine that, a male who just so happens to be a man. Wow! Anyway, i am going to continue.

Shaide was born and raised(For the most part anyway) in a fairly large town located in southern California, It wasnt the greatest town, and there was a lot of crime, and by crime i dont mean “Well, looky thar Martha! There goes one of them thar jaywalkers!” although, dont get me wrong, im not saying the town was free of jaywalkers! We had our share of them! I am refering to REAL crime! Also, im not saying Jaywalking isnt serious, in fact I do believe it to be major no-no! I am however refering to LA and NY style crime. Street gang wars, drive by shootings, in fact! I knew a person who was shot in a drive-by shooting just in front of our school(Well, it was the side of the school, but the result is the same) I was also attacked at one point with screwdrivers, which, let me tell you having screwdrivers pointed and waving at you isn’t as fun as it may seem.

Anyway! My mum, moved to this current desert town in in the middle of California Where the temp is either too hot or too cold(Although I prefer the cold! When it’s cold I can bundle up under a nice warm blanky.) Also, when we moved here crime was pretty low, I mean “SUN RISES!” would be the headlines of the local paper.Now tho, the town is growing…actually quite rapidly, and with the towns growth, crime is increasing. Not increasing at an alarming rate mind you, But increasing none-the-less! I can handle crime to a certain degree But hopefully it doesnt get out of control as it did in my original hometown.

Well, thats how i got to where i am now, townwise that is. I never was a popular person really, in either towns. I was always picked on, beat-up on and pretty much totally tormented. For instance, I recall one time in my junior year of high school these 3 guys came up to me on my way home from school, 2 of them grabbed my arms while the third proceeded to burn my arm with the cherry of his cigarette.This all happened to me for a couple reasons.

(1) I didnt fight back! I hated to fight(Still do)! The thought of slamming my fist into someone to inflict pain on a person sickens me, Not just a little bit either! I mean, REALLY sickens me…and i think this is probably the main reason i was picked on alot. It Made me an easy target, also made them feel as if they were rough and tough(Puhleeze! Where is the victory in beating up someone who doesnt strike back?)
(2) I was/am overweight.Well, to be quite blunt, Im fat okay? Also, why do so many people who are of “larger size” have a problem with the word fat? I mean last time I looked Fat was a 3 letter word not 4.Being fat made me different, and in my highschool as I am sure it is in most, if you were different, you were the enemy.

ALTHOUGH! At one point, Senior year of highschool, it was getting bad, I mean it was to the point where I was being beat up in between each class. I knew this had to stop, because Physically and emotionally i couldnt handle that sort of abuse any longer. I knew what I was going to have to do. I didn’t like it, but I knew what needed to happen. I had to fight back, as much as I disliked fighting.

1 punch, with all my weight behind it to his face. It was the worst thing i ever did. After the punch made contact with his flesh, it knocked him right down. he got up and just walked off. That was actually the last time i have been in a fight, once people saw that I COULD fight back if I had to. Although that guy had a rough time, what With him getting bested by the highschool weakling and all? Well, you can imagine how he got taunted. The guy as time went on Of course made threats, but never through with them.

After that incident, I realised that sometimes, maybe fighting is needed. There is a time and a place for fighting and as barbaric as fighting is, there is always a time in your life when you are going to HAVE to do it to either protect yourself, or someone close to you. I wont hesitate again to strike back if it comes down to it again, I just hope it never reaches that point.

Although, When I think back on my past, and remember the faces of those who taunted me, called me names and branded me as an outcast, You would think I would get mad, or upset. Yes, I suppose I do get upset, How could I not? Im only human, But im also so very thankful! If they took me in as a friend, treated me like one of their friends, instead of tormenting me with words and fists, I could very well have turned out to be much like them. So, in some weird way, they made me who I am today: A person who despite my apperances, Despite any disabilities can look in the mirror and like what he sees, but more than that, I can see people for who they are, under the skin, and all in all I think that i’m a little bit more sensitive to peoples feelings.

However time flows by, and years pass quickly and now i am all grown up! I have gone through a lot of crap. I have moved out into the world on my own, I have loved and I have married. I have taken care of mean little dogs, who turned out to in the end be one of the bravest smartest poochies I have ever seen. I have suffered loss when I lost an uncle I was close to, and then a few months later suffered loss again when my wife passed away in my arms, just days before our anniversary. Then again when I had to have my dog put to sleep.

Time has continued to flow, and those events, tragic as they were are now in my past. Also existing as Events of my life that have continued to shape and form me, for better or for worse. I don’t really know what my life has in store for me. Time will continue to march on. Events, both good and bad will continue to flow into my life. I will adapt to meet those events head on, because really, in the end that’s pretty much all one can do. Do I have any idea where I will be 50 yers down the road? Not a clue, though I would guess either dead or an old man sitting on a parkbench, throwing bread crumbs at ducks, Assuming of course that the future world will have parks, bread crumbs and that ducks arent extinct! I guess thats just something i am going to have to find out huh?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s