When I get depressed, I tend to close myself off from the world. Hideaway in some corner of the house, avoid anything that might bring me joy, and live on a diet of Poptarts and vodka. I did this when my wife passed away, and have been trying to do this now that my mother is gone. Except that this time I am fighting against that urge.

I don’t want to become that person again. I literally just managed to start picking my life up, and my mom would be so hurt and disappointed in me if I let myself fall down that dank whole again. So, I try with all my might not to let myself become “That Person” again.

One thing I do to prevent myself from going to that dark place again is to force myself into social situations. When I am in that crevasse of depression I trend to cut myself of from people. So, putting myself in a place where I am forced to interact with people keeps me from avoiding humanity.

One thing I did was force myself to go to a mexican restaraunt. Normally  I love Mexican food. It’s cheesy, spicy, it’s just all around great. You really can’t go wrong with Mexican food. You can however go wrong with a Mexican food establisment.

This place I went to, seemed like a nice place. A little dark, but that could have been because I had been used to the brightness of the mid-day sun. It had an overall nice atmosphere, Complete with a mariachi band singing happy birthday to a 9 year old kid, who should totally have been in school.

The key word to that last paragraph is the word “seemed”, because while it certainly looked nice, it had a darker, seedier underside! I had ordered a platter of Nachos, because I am a sucker for tortilla chips and cheese! Who isn’t? I must say that it looked and tasted nice. I liked the tortilla chips being died the color of the Mexican flag! Nice touch! Just hope nobody starts dying apple pies red, white and blue.

Anyway, it looked good and tasted good. The fork they brought me was bent, almost like Uri Geller went to town on it, but it wasn’t a big deal because this is Nachos! It’s not like I was eating enchiladas! You don’t need a fork for Nachos! So, I started steam shoveling those babies down my gullet like a hungry hungry hippo, when to my surprise a little cockroach comes scurrying out from under my plate! I squashed it, and turned it into bug paste, but that did manage to kill the enjoyment factor.

Before anyone asks, no! I did not go up and complain about my unexpected lunch guest, because how do you word that?  Plus, it’s a bit out of their control I guess isn’t it? I mean, it’s not like the walls were crawling with them, and customers were being carried down to the roach queen in their hive located in the basement. Still! Cockroach! Under my plate!

To top it off, it was a tiny baby one! Which means there’s probablly a whole family of them there somewhere, and a mother cockroach standing out on a Toilet rim shouting “Henry! Come home Henry! Dinner time!”, only it won’t come home will it? Cause I turned it into Roach pudding!

Don’t get me wrong, I still kept eating the nachos! It’s not like the little critter climbed up on the mountain of cheese and guacamole that was my dinner, and start doing some dirty dancing moves. If it didn’t touch my grub, it’s still edible!

Aside  —  Posted: May 17, 2014 in All about ME!
Tags: , , , , , , ,

<3On February 15th, I lost the most important person in my life. She was my mother, my role model, my hero and my best friend. When she was taken from me, she was still young, only 59 years old. She should have still had many years left on this earth. Unfortunately, complications from her diabetes arose, and took her from me, and the world.

She was a brave and strong woman. She endured a lot while she was here, but never gave up. She always kept going, no matter how much pain or suffering she felt. She never gave up, because she wanted to be there, to support those she cared for, and help anyone she could.

She had several medical problems, which makes her strength and willingness to push on that much more impressive. A lesser person would have thrown in the towel years ago, but my mom didn’t know the meaning of giving up.

Even in the end, she fought to survive. Even as her body shut down around her. In the end, it was her heart that was the last to go. That isn’t surprising. Ask anyone who knew her, anyone who’s bumped into her, anyone she has affected in any way, and they will tell you, that she has a powerful heart.

I was with her when she passed from this plane of existence, and it felt like my world had just come to a heart crushing end. I am at least glad that I was able to be there for her in the end, holding her hand as she passed. She was, after all, always there for me, my entire life. Helping me through some of the darkest points of my life.

She comforted me when my father was killed, she was my anchor when my wife passed away. Despite he medical issues, she was always my rock, and even though she isn’t with me in body anymore. She is in spirit and mind. Her teachings will continue to guide me through life, right up until death.

I am the man I am today, because of her. I am my mother’s son, and she is my hero. She’s the reason I am still alive today, why I am not mentally challenged, despite all my complications at birth. She brought me into this world, she gave me life, but most importantly, she gave me a live worth living. She always had more faith in me, than I did of myself. I only hope, that one day, I will do something important enough, that would make her proud.

I knew eventually she would be gone. I just didn’t expect it to be this soon. I took for granted that she would still be here each and every tomorrow. I assumed, that we had years together still! Even as they were rushing her away in the ambulance, I figured she would probably be ok, because she was still young, and too important to the world.

Don’t take people you love for granted. Your parents, your grandparents, your spouse, your children. Treat everyday, like it might be the last time you see them, because one day, one way or another..it will be.

I usually don’t post things like this on my Blog. It’s just some things I wanted to get off my chest. I’m not even sure if it’s understandable. I’m not exactly in the clearest of mindsets right now.

ps4_play_imgLike I said in a previous post, I got screwed out of my PS4 pre-order, which broke my heart! Still, I have had the good fortune to play the new console, since a friend of mine, managed to get his pre-order(As did most people who weren’t me).

First, let me just say: This is a powerhouse of a system, and is capable of incredible feats! It’s not perfect though, the system runs very hot, and has an extreme heat output, so make sure it has PLENTY of room around it to better circulate the air. The systems new, so I have no idea how well it is going to be able to manage that kind of heat output. To be fair, high amount of heat was expected due to the sheer power of the system.

I also don’t like that the power and eject buttons are so tiny! They are hard to see, and it took me a good 4 minutes just to figure out how to turn the thing on. Once it was on, and I began playing games, I noticed some games discs run louder than others(CoD:Ghosts runs almost silently, Battlefield 4 sounds a bit noisy)

Next, the control while very similar to previous dual shock controllers, is still very different feeling. It just doesn’t have the same feel as it rests in my palm. I’m also not completely fond of the “Options” and “Share” buttons positioning. It’s awkward to get to, and to click on, at least for me and my fat fingers. positioned between those two buttons is the large “Touch Pad”, which most times will end up pausing the game, or bringing up a menu, or going to the dashboard. This can be an issue when you have fat fingers, are really into a game, and quickly trying to hit the options button, only to find your fat thumb hit the touch pad, and now you are sitting on your dashboard.

However, even aside from the flaws, it’s an exceptional system and would love to have one in my home. Is it worth its current price tag? At the moment: Not really, but it WILL be! Unfortunately at the moment, the system lacks any PS4 exclusive titles, and you can still enjoy most of the games coming out for it, on the PS3. However in the next few months, there will be plenty to enjoy!

injusticeI have never enjoyed a fighter game in my life. When people were going crazy for street fighter, I was focusing on Final Fantasy or Dragon Warrior. So, Fighters have never had a spot in my gaming library. I picked this game up on a lark,. and didn’t expect to enjoy the game at all. I expected to just tool around with it a bit and go back to playing Battlefield 4, however I found myself quickly hooked on this game!

It’s made by the same folks who did the Mortal Kombat games(And in fact has 1 MK character in it..Scorpion), so you know the game is polished. The graphics are absolutely incredible and will make your eyes melt with pleasure!

So, what’s so great about this game? Too much to list, but I will try to list a few! Most characters have several different costume options/skins, so you can wear a classic superman outfit, or superman from the current movie costume. You can wear a classic batman outfit, or his outfit from Arkham city, You can be Classic Green Arrow, or “The Hood”/Arrow from the series. There are a lot of costumes.

Also, the arenas are interactive, and will become damaged as you have your superbrawl. you can also interact with items around the arena. There’s not TOO many arenas, but enough to give you a variety of choices. I hope more arenas get released as DLC.

The best thing though, is the story mode. Now, I am not a big fan of fighters, so I am not sure if it’s common or not, but this game has a full featured campaign mode, which is basically cutscenes connecting to a pre-determined arena battle. It’s an enjoyable story as well, and I couldn’t stop playing.

Once the campaign is done, the funs not over though, since there are STARS Missions, Multiplayer Arenas and Single player arena battles(Which should just basically be practice for multiplayer mode).

tswThe secret world has been out for quite some time, and I have been playing it for what seems like ever(Though, I am a slow player so am not very far in the game.) The game is made by Funcom, which is also the company responsible for Age of Conan. However, keep in mind that TSW is nothing like AoC! Doesn’t matter if you love conan, or despise it! The games are two complete animals!

TSW reminds me a little of White Wolfs, “World of Darkness” storytelling series, in that it takes place in a world, much like ours, except the monster stories you heard about as a child, are real. Things do go bump in the night, and that monster you thought was living in your close, is probably still there, watching you as you masturbate.

You choose one of three different factions, However the factions don’t really have much impact on your game, aside from preference. You still can interact with other factions, and even group up with them. You still hunt in the same zone as the other factions, and you even do the same tutorial level. The only real limits is that Cabals(Guilds) are faction based.

The game it’s self has a deep and involved storyline that, depending on the area you are in, is inspired from various authors ranging from King to Lovecraft. Fans of horror games will find so much to love about this title.

The controls are different from other MMORPGs, and it makes no attempt to be an Everquest clone like every other MMORPG out there(I’m looking at you World of Warcraft!). This is a double-edged sword, in that it might make people who are afraid of new things hesitant to try this unique and remarkable title, but it also forges its own identity, which is important for not just any game, but any product.

The controls and combat isn’t the only thing different in this game, as I said it’s a unique experience, and has an identity all on its own. Yes, you do engage in combat, though more often than not, you will find yourself solving puzzles, using google as a research tool, and trying to solve mysteries that surround you, because like in the real world, not everything can be solved with violence.

The game is technically free to play, though you do have to buy the game(Sort of like Guildwars and guildwars2), so you don’t HAVE to worry about monthly costs, which is a bonus if you are a gamer like me, that doesn’t have a whole lot of free extra time on his hands. When you get some spare time, just hop in and play. Easy as that.

Bottom line, this is a game you should have in your collection. No matter what type of gamer you are, I am willing to bet you will find something in this title to keep you entertained.

 

beyond PS3

There’s a lot of reviewers who complain about this game. These same people however obviously aren’t familiar with the developer Quantic Dream. This game plays much the same way as their past 2 hit titles(Indigo Prophecy and Heavy Rain). If you don’t enjoy those two games, you probably won’t have much interest in Beyond: Two Souls, if however you loved those games? Then you will like this title.

The story follows Jodie Holmes, who has a special gift. She see’s dead people. Not just that, but also has a spirit attached to her, that reacts to her commands and moods. Basically it gives her psychic powers, and in a way reminds me of Carrie(Especially in particular areas of the game). The game follows her through a jumbled up mess of portions of her life. One mission you maybe playing a teenage Jodie, the next a young Twenty-something Jodie, and the next 8-year old Jodie.

Personally I would have preferred a more linear time frame, but I guess this was to expose you to different aspects of the story, when they felt you needed to know it.

The game plays sort of like an interactive movie, where your actions determine the outcome of the game. While the game does have multiple endings, it doesn’t have much of a replay value. The graphics and animations are top notch, and the professional voice acting is top notch.

The biggest fault to the game, is the clumsy and awkward controls. Yes, they are similar to the previous games, but just doesn’t feel as refined, at least while playing with a gamepad.

The story is good the first time around, and blends sci-fi with paranormal thriller.

I can’t stress this part enough: The game fits a very niche market, and there is a strong chance that it just won’t appeal to you. If you are unfamiliar with Quantic Dreams, it could go either way, and I strongly urge you to rent this, before adding it to your cart(If you do enjoy this, be sure and check out Heavy Rain and Indigo Prophecy)

 

amazon-sad-logo

When the Playstation 4 was announced back in June, I hopped on my computer and preordered it from Amazon in the form of a “Watch Dogs” bundle. Over time, I applied gift cards to the preorder, so that as of last month the cost due was $0.00. Now, all that I had to do was wait for the quickly approaching November 15th release date!

This month however Ubisoft announced that Watchdogs was being delayed, and so Amazon switched my order to the basic core system launch. Not a huge deal, I would just order Killzone Shadowfall. It’s not amazons fault, and the new KZ game looked pretty sweet to begin with. So, I dealt with it, and carried on.

Last night however, I received an email from Amazon customer service, notifying me that my order for the Playstation 4 was cancelled, and that they “hope this helps”. completely flabbergasted and confoundedly confused, I got online and entered into Amazons support chat. It is here that I found out, that it was a mistake, and someone had accidentally cancelled my order.

Fine, mistakes happen. I get that! I asked them if they could correct the issue that had just happened mere moments before. I was informed that this was impossible, as their system is all automated and my cancelled order went to the next person in queue who hadn’t gotten their order placed in time to guarantee themselves the system.

So, basically I was told, that despite being a prime subscriber, despite spending thousands of dollars over the years on their website, despite preordering this console on the first day possible, that I was basically screwed and there wasn’t anything they could do about it.

In fact, not only was there nothing they could do about it, but to worsen the situation, Amazon has in place a system that allows only one console to be ordered per account. Meaning, that if I want to order another one, I would need to have a friend order it, and send it to my address. Despite the fact, that the now refunded gift card balance is saved on MY account, not theirs. Not that it would matter anyway, since the console pre-orders are completely sold out.

However, they did say they were sorry and issued me $30 dollars credit. Which doesn’t help me at all really. Overall, this is a horrible experience with amazon, and is the first time I have pre-ordered a big-ticket item from them. Is this a regular occurence? I don’t know, but I do know that I will be ending my prime subscription, and won’t be purchasing any thing major from them again.